You are going to project something new that he hasn’t seen before. I have been trying to improve myself. I know I can’t force him to have feelings for me if he doesn’t but I know that we can get that spark back and we can work on our relationship and improve our communication. Amor! I told him what I’d been up to, what was happening in my life, asked him about his, but his guard was up the whole time, and he didn’t really give me much to work with. Perhaps I have a little more age and, therefor, experience on some it still sucks zero less to get blindsided. He said he wanted to do something special on Wednesday (today) because we hadn’t in a while. But we always talked through them, and I thought things were getting better, and I was feeling happier and more secure with him in the relationship. Well, assuming you are doing the no contact rule you are going to have anywhere between 21 to 45 days to start your self actualization training. The sudden shock can be devastating to your emotional well-being, which can severely increase the time you need to recover. So, my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years. My ex and I have been in a relationship for about 2.5 years. And then he said he hated to break my heart and that I am a really lovely girl. If he is the type that lets you be then that means you can focus in improving yourself and getting your self esteem back and your life to grow before talking to him again. Anyhow, I did not see this coming. So we packed up and left. So, my boyfriend and I were together a little over a year. When I didn’t hear from him that weekend, I went to visit my family for the week and get some space and clarity and I texted him to tell him that and that I thought I deserved an explanation and a say. But let’s go even deeper than high school and talk about grade school. I am in school getting my masters degree and he is a police officer. So how do you deal when you're blindsided by a breakup? Keep scrolling for our best tips. During the last breakup, the was no-contact for about 2 months then we gradually started talking again. I just got broken up with yesterday and this was honestly a big blindside for me. We won’t change. This is theimehathe second girl he has been with since the breakup, he mentioned that living in theimehathe hegemony 5th wheel was just too crowded with 2 dogs and 2 people. And this is where the common woman makes her mistake. That he needed a proper night sleep and food. We were incredibly happy together for almost all of our relationship, and I the problems we did have, I think are completely fixable, especially with “Men are from Mars”. I have been working out and walking 3 miles a day since Thanksgiving. Start by taking back your power by making more appropriate actions. So, looking at these three categories if you want to see extreme personal growth every action you take should be geared towards improving each category. I believe the first time I did caused him to think I abandoned him when he needed me. I went into no contact for three weeks and then texted him a “I came across something you re going to want to hear about” and the conversation began friendly for a week or two. I really love him, and know that he loves me too. My little mole bothered me so much in grade school that I wore a hoody every single day. I was falling in love(I know that sounds crazy after 3 months but I wouldn’t have this pit in my stomach that makes me puke every time I eat if I didn’t)…Now I’m a lazy ass person…I HATE cleaning, but I did those things for him because they were for him. eharmony Staff. My ex and I were together for 16 months. We both have separate places btw. We hugged, I said Im sorry. He’s improved his communication a lot, being very attentive and I’ve stopped making things so easy for him/babying him. I tried to make sure that if I saw any red flags I ignores them and really took my time with this one. I never toldyou that enough when we were going out. It wasn’t a nasty breakup, like we weren’t fighting or calling each other names and he said I was “a wonderful person” at the end (though I wouldn’t call it a “not bad” breakup, and during it, I begged him not to do it). I asked, so you are going to be happier alone than spending time with me? One night after work, we met up together at a bar. Today I followed back up and low and behold…he blocked me! by Wendy Stokes October 12, 2018. by Wendy Stokes October 12, ... enroll in a class, take up yoga, read that book you’ve been meaning to for the past year. Instead, he started pestering me non-stop about my alleged new bf. A self actualized individual will not look at their differences or uniqueness as a weakness. Mildly curious of others experiences, I read a little of this site. Yes, I certainly have my own opinions on how things should be done after a breakup and for the most part I have been very successful at guiding people down the right path. Hes been just as warm and affectionate as always. A few weeks later when I asked him about what was going on as he was increasingly distant, he said “he needed space and that he is in a place where he wants to get married, but he is not where he wants to be financially.” I said ok, if you think that is best, as I don’t want to make you hurt, and gave him a hug leaving on good terms. I sent him the tweet using my other Twitter account and I haven’t checked it since November 30 when I sent the tweet. Hes also an only child. (Like maybe this kid is one of my ex’s new friends and they’re kind of baiting me). The other day when I went to go see him after work he was acting like he didn’t want me there and being really quiet and not really responding to anything I was saying. You’re so beautiful” (This is so confusing to me) Nevertheless, I have identified four things that you need to do to improve your chances of self actualization. We were still friends on Facebook at this time and a man I had met posted a video on my page, and within minutes my ex posted his relationship status. Within weeks I had met his mother, his friends, extended family and two children and we were traveling together as a couple. He just bought an apartment here, and we moved in together in February (temporarily for me though as Im off to uni soon again just had a semester of internship which I chose to do at home) His dad passed away when he was 18 (hes 25 now), and Im pretty sure hes not dealt with it yet (I’ve not wanted to force him to talk about it, I’ve let him slowly open up to me instead). A little over a month ago something amazing happened here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery. He said hes sorry he never opened up to me more etc. I also noticed that he is very vocal on social media, he debates a lot about political and social issues on Facebook and those can get intense to where he letâs what they say get to him. If he still doesn’t want to believe you, then don’t be a victim to it. you know how much you mean to me!” and embraced me and we kissed. I feel like its just another reason for him to say “i cant trust you” and of course i dont want that but at the same time it’s too shady on his part if this is something that he’s capable of now so really i cant trust him. Then he came to my home and left my things, cried a lot and left. We hadn’t had an argument and you never said anything was bothering you so I thought we were happy. u/magnolialuloo9h I asked my boyfriend to move in with me on Christmas (he had been asking if I wanted him to for a few weeks). It just seems like there so much unknown at this point (everything is just speculation at this point) and i just want answers and hopefully my relationship back. Your ex boyfriend had certain expectations of you after the breakup and you basically played into them. The next day, I went to go get my laptop from his house and he was all over me and was crying telling me that he made a mistake. I told him I permanently deleted all my social media and contacts in my phone and i’m willing to do whatever it takes to show him just how trustworthy i am. I hadn’t talked to him since nor had I attempted to do so even through text. Even though he completely broke my heart, I still love him so much, and I want him back. I’m happy but with him my smile is brighter than the sun. The end of a relationship is difficult. I dnt go in trying to make him think I’ll leave him but if he knows that there’s other people who want you to he will 1) start feeling lucky because he has what other guys can’t get and 2) will keep chasing you so you don’t have a reason to leave him. The week after Christmas there was a weirdness between the two of us. I met his family and all of his friends (most of which are married with children) and he has met mine. After a couple of days of not talking to him, he broke up with me. About 2-3 years ago, I met a guy at work and started flirting/texting with him. My intent for doing this was to find topics that I hadn’t talked about yet on the website. I’m one week into NC and received a positive text. I can’t give you advice on how to deal with it. That’s very good! When asked about actualization Maslow described it as, A process by which you âare working to do well the thing that one wants to do.’, I have my own thoughts on self improvement and it comes in the form of “the holy trinity.”. I read about the grass is greener syndrom, is there any special steps i should take in this case? It has now been 11 days of no contact. I was actually happy with how things were going and I was expecting things to pick up like he said. I know hes going though a lot and the last thing he needs right now is me being petty over a few messages. I think that you need to go back to the shallow bullshit with the young girls that don’t have their shit together- because it’s safe for you there; there is no risk of you falling in love. He felt insecure before, and then he broke up with you, after that it looks like he expected you to chase, which is good that you didn’t.. And maybe he was being stubborn because pride is all he’s got.. And then it looks like his ego was hurt when he invited you out then you declined. It’s going to make you uncomfortable and you probably won’t like it. Just the day before the breakup he was holding my hand as much as always, dancing in the kitchen, chasing me in the apartment ticketing me, telling me he loves me etc etc. Not to mention I have been job hunting also. If your significant other left you with little or no explanation, you may be struggling to make sense of it all. One way or another he was able to figure out that I had been on recently and he immediately asked me to leave his house and to not contact him, he would contact me. I believe the example that she gave was that she once had a client who went shopping for wedding rings (it was a woman) when her current boyfriend hadn’t even hinted at marriage. Heâs just stubborn when it comes to expressing his feelings, he rather just holds it in and deal with it internally. That’s the right steps! I want to see how the first few texts go after NC. His dad left a company behind and since the death there has been a lot of family issues with the dads side. I don’t understand why he invited me to his family’s for christmas if he was feeling this way as well. He then went on to talk about what happened years ago. And more recently he said this to me again. He even told me that he was checking up on my twitter and i had gone to the christmas spectacular (something he really wanted to do) and he was upset that i went without him. I started NC, it’s only been 3 days but I feel like I lost my best friend and I love of my life and I feel so broken. He thinks I’m a wonderful woman but we’re “victims of circumstance”. He improves my life and makes me happy. Hope holiday treated you well”. This was on a Saturday. After telling me he needed “a break” because he had a “gut feeling” and needed to figure out if he could see a “long term future with me” he asked if we could meet the next day to talk about it. I started to get a lot of assignments and he said “geez, you have been really busy lately” but the conversation didn’t really go much further than that. Then on Monday (10/17) he broke up with me, completely blindsided!!! The whole night he also jusy kept saying to me “casandra you’re so beautiful. I’m not saying that at all. The funny thing is that on that day, I went to church. But in the aftermath of the breakup, you need to be honest with yourself. Our letter today is from Ann, who's been blindsided by a breakup after 5 years together. I didn’t answer back and two hours later he replied “Are you ignoring me?” How to Act When Someone Breaks Up With You. You could have had what a part of you truly does want- really, I gave you such a gift of the opportunity to look at and overcome some of your scary stuff. We spoke every single day after the break up until I had a mental breakdown a week ago. But when they going got tough I feel like he just gave up and left without even giving us a fighting chance. Fun fact, I feel a little like Yoda right now. I did try to make some adjustments so that I did not overwhelm him with my new job but after deep reflection I did somewhat change in the relationship once I went into “work mode.” Towards the beginning of Oct 16′ he began not to call daily and I could tell something was off. Although your breakup may have felt like it came out of the blue, there are often many warning signs that your relationship wasn't the most stable. My relationship with them continued to grow. But then I decided to come back and I stayed the night in the apartment. My Promise To You- You aren’t going to find a better piece of content on the web about “blindside breakups” than this article. It is a time in your life when you feel completely comfortable. Focus in yourself, and then think about either moving on or trying after nc.. Mind you, it was the YOUNGER BROTHER that I was talking to, not my ex. A note on jealousy: if you become a UG during NC, stay one! A few days ago I was interviewing my friend Erik who runs “The Together Show” on iTunes. I can be wrong but if Im right.. Then he’s being immature.. You have to have a calm talk about what you both feel… If he continues being stubborn then you have decide if you still want to wait for him. Learn more. One of the most amazing things about human beings is the fact that we are all unique in our own way. (hes very very proud). The next morning before he left for work he came to lie close to me (I thought we were going to kiss), he looked into my eyes and gave me compliments. We had a couple drinks (we weren’t drunk though), and we went back to my place to watch a PBS documentary. The least you can do right now is to try the no contact rule and show through social media that you have other things going on in your life, not just school…. I love him! It was never a one sided relationship. I just want to chat, laugh and leave with a good feeling and not that feeling I have now – both of us crying when he hugged each other goodbye. So, what does this have to do with you and your blindside breakup? I was in complete shock. This almost goes against reality because no two human beings are ever alike. Here’s a quick crash course of how it works. Just about a month ago he took me to this really fancy restaurant one night for dinner just to tell me that he was in love with me and that he WAS going to marry me. Cutting contact with the guy was enough. I feel like he genially is happy to get a text from me, but Im scared its not because he wants me back but because he misses me as a friend. Also, recently we were talking about the near future and he kept reassuring me that we would have more time to spend together because next semester would be light for him. However, I also know that obsession often leads to desperation and desperation turns men off…. My ex and I were together for 7 months. I’m trying to move into preparing texts, but I’m really nervous about how it’s going to go since it went so badly the last time (for the record, it was before I read this website and the NC rule) and I want to be able to enjoy my vacation as much as I can without worrying about him. I don’t understand why he would text me ask if im ignoring him and then go and ignore me. His family friends still have no clue as they’re commenting on my pictures like were still together etc. start building hope for a better relationship in the future. I am scared i don’t have a chance of getting back together with him as he is stubborn and said “he cant see us getting back together” He didn’t believe me and kept asking but i was already in panic mode and continued to say no. And when i got back, the jacket was still there. Another important thing is understanding the power and value in the word “no”. The next day (Friday) we texted and he agreed to re think our relationship. And I am attempting to make what I see as a weakness into one of my greatest strengths. He has started to text me in normal way, to chat about different topics. When he told me he thought he wanted to break up he cried like crazy. I didn’t make a big scene about it. He texted me and said “i am ready to talk” i replied hours later and asked if we could talk the next day as it was Thanksgiving and I was with family. I even saw his mom that night and her words to me were “he has a little boy mind, he doesnt get it, don’t stop trying” Yes, I have. I am saying that if you accept reality you are going to appear different to your ex boyfriend. Now, don’t get me wrong. I didn’t get upset when he got home from work late, I encourage him to do things, suggested that he would go see his friends alone etc. As I said, its been 11 days of no contact. Recovering From the Breakup. I didn’t expect a reply and I didn’t get one. When the program was over, we decided to go to bed and fool around. And I think that you let fear rule your inner world- not necessarily fear of loosing your “freedom” but rather fear of love and what that responsibility brings. Breakups are never easy, but being blindsided by a breakup feels extra harsh sometimes. Even if I think that you probably shouldn’t get back with your ex I firmly believe that you need to come to that realization on your own. After we meet up and asking why he asked me out, he said he “justwanted to see whats up” we end up going back to his place to talk and end up sitting there for almost 8 hours. I think you are on dating sites and talking to others and want to keep your options open. I never fully understood what he meant when he said he needed space, so I didn’t take it seriously. You've Been Betrayed, Making Learning How To Get Over Heartbreak Seem Impossible. Flash forward to two weeks later, I still hadn’t heard anything from him. Now, why would I tell you something so embarrassing about myself? When talking to friends and family they feel that after everything happened and how happy we were, this was just a bump in the road and he over reacted they say they can just look at me and see how sorry i am for lying and that it just wouldn’t happen again. But I remember it because this thing bothers me that much. Then I said goodbye, he hugged me again for about a minute, and then i came home. Maybe it’s a mid life crises or not but what’s apparent right now is that he has moved on. I am currently doing NC once again after I failed at contacting my ex leaving him a tweet congratulating him on his new job that he has been waiting years for. About 4 hours later, i get a text from him saying “hey, im not sure why you’re dodging my calls but do you have my ski jacket” I know there’s no guarantee, but I really really want this to go right, and I’m so nervous. I sent him lunch to his job over the weekend and he called while I was in a bad signal area so I only recieved a text from him telling me he called. Is there a chance that he still thinks about me? I understand, and that may be what he is thinking, however, he knew I was in school from the beginning and he never said anything negative about school until the week before we broke up. Whether It Was From Cheating In A Relationship Or Being Left By Your Spouse, This Sudden Blindsiding Can Crush You. 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